Reflections on Four Months of Total Deconditioning
It has now been almost four months since my last day of work in my previous career. It has been so interesting to see the massive changes in my life since I began to deconstruct everything that felt constricting to my energy. Here are my biggest takeaways from this experience.
Keep in mind that for me, the area of my life where I was living deeply in my conditioning was in my work life. For others, it might be in other areas - family, living situation, etc. So, most of my changes have been about transitioning away from that draining atmosphere and seeing what was there for me on the other side.
EMBRACING REST
I touched on this in my first post on my post-job deconditioning, but so much of what I learned during my first few months of freedom had to do with getting out of my head, getting into my body, and honoring my natural energetic rhythms.
I have the 5-15 channel, which is the channel of Rhythm. Basically, honoring my own rhythms is LIFE for me, and it’s particularly important that I honor those not only for myself but for the flow of the people around me.
For most of July, I just needed to rest. It was a total reset and healing. It was also incredibly challenging - I had to let go of my mind and all the stories it was telling me about my need to rest, including but not limited to:
It would lead to my failure
It would lead to my utter demise
I was lazy and didn’t deserve the rest
The fact that I didn’t know what I was doing with my life meant I would never figure it out
In reality, I did know what I wanted to do with my life, I just needed to rest for awhile and let it all come together and integrate! I wanted to keep learning about Human Design, talking about it in a way that made it feel grounded and tangible for people, and make an incubator/course for Generators to break down the overwhelming process of getting in alignment with our energy, particularly in our work lives. I feel we can all be satisfied with how we spend out time.
August came along, and the energy surged back. I’ve had an incredible couple of months of productivity and inspiration and I’m so glad I gave myself the opportunity to rest! The courses are coming soon, and if you’d like to receive updates, click here!
EXERCISE
This one has honestly shocked me the most. I’ve gone through periods in my life when I was active and athletic but, in general, working out and getting exercise for the sake of it has NOT lit me up. I love a good hike, I like taking walks to clear my mind, and I used to ride my bike to work almost every day, but those were more for the experience (the hike/walking) and the convenience (cycling).
Now that I am channeling my life force energy toward something that actually gives back to me energy-wise, I actually need exercise to be able to function and sleep, which is how Sacral beings (all types of Generators) work! When I initially read about this, I thought “hmm, we will see!” Previously I was so drained that exercise never felt like a yes.
Then, I went body boarding at the beach, got a super intense workout swimming, moving and course-correcting through the currents, and slept SO WELL that night that I realized that I do actually have energy now, and I need to get it out! Now, every couple days I have to do something that is going to get me really tired - a super intense HIIT class, a long bike ride across town, or a 5 mile brisk walk have been favorites lately. In between, I do smaller things - walks, shorter bike rides, etc.
© Pure Generators. This image cannot be used without permission.
MONEY, WORK, AND SELF-WORTH
I knew that if I was going to keep myself out of work environments where my energy was constantly compromised, I needed to re-examine my beliefs about money. I did a lot of intensive work on this, including journaling, reading books, and some tapping (EFT). I decided I was going to invest in my own success and believe in my own dream by putting my money energy behind it.
I re-examined every belief that said that I needed to know where my next paycheck was coming from in order to be safe. I strengthened my faith in the universe, and mostly just paid attention to my Authority when deciding how to spend my money, knowing it wouldn’t lead me astray.
I let go of the story that in order to deserve great things I needed to be grinding away at a job that drained me.
I honestly cannot believe how much my outlook on money has changed, and how much more free I feel. Not to mention that the support I’ve needed has flooded in, in unexpected ways.
I would love to do an entire post on Generators and money soon, so be on the lookout!
HEALING WORK TRAUMAS
I am also happy to report that I no longer have PTSD about 6am meetings or emails from narcissistic clients who treated me as sub-human. I am no longer angry or resentful about what I went through. I forgive myself for my part in it, and others for their part in it. That chapter of my life feels closed. I am grateful for it and feel satisfied with everything that I learned and experienced there. I am happy to be moving forward on my own terms and working with myself, instead of against myself.
So, what have all of you been up to? Let me know how your work lives, deconditioning process, and healing is going!
Love,
Rachel
Make sure to keep in touch!
