Can We Trust Our Sacral Responses? Are They Whims?
Originally written March 10, 2021 (Updated January 31, 2024)
I recently received a question from someone in our community that prompted a Sacral response in me, so I decided to write about it! This is something that I have also pondered.
(to paraphrase)...
"As a Generator Type, my strategy is to Respond, but I'm also part of a relationship and have a 1.5-year-old daughter. I'm wondering how you live in response and follow the Sacral "yes" (plus emotional Authority) within this type of partnership.
Recently I've responded to something that would affect our entire family, and I feel the call to explore it and give it a try. But then, I'm part of this family unit, this partnership, and basically, you can't just go and follow every whim, right?
Any insights to share around this topic?"
This is such a good question! As someone who is also part of a family unit, I have a lot to say about this!
What exactly are our Sacral responses saying?
First, let's tackle some misconceptions about what the Sacral response is and isn't.
The Sacral is: a mechanical mechanism that shows us what we potentially have energy for and what we don’t, based on the information we have exposed our senses to.
The Sacral is not: irresponsible, impulsive, selfish, separate from us and what is important to us.
As Generators and MG's, it can often feel like honoring our Sacral response "will ruin our life." Like, all of a sudden we’ll start responding to crazy things! We’ll want to pick up and move! Quit our jobs! Leave everyone behind!
Will that happen? I mean, some of those things might happen if that’s what’s correct for you! But for most people, honoring your Sacral means gently moving toward more joy and satisfaction in your daily life gradually, over many years.
Why is is hard to honor our inner Authority?
We've been taught growing up that our innate energy flow (a.k.a. doing what we want/what satisfies us/what energizes us) will lead to us accomplishing nothing, harming ourselves or other people, or making rash, illogical decisions.
Most of us don't even *remember* or know our innate energy flow because we lost contact with it so long ago (because as children, we did know!).
Most of us are told we have to wake up at a certain time, adhere to a strict bell schedule throughout our youth, and then move into the adult version of that in a job that dictates our day with little to no room for freedom and personal choice.
So, this kind of external control allows us to "stay on track" and avoid "ruining our life" like we would if we made our own decisions (or so they led us to believe!)
In reality, this control of our life force allows us to achieve a consistent and predictable output (which is what the hierarchies that have run the world for the last few hundred years want from us). At the same time, it dampens the massive potential for creation (of wonderful things, experiences, and wealth) when we allow our energy to flow where it desires and express our unique genius.
We tend to buy into the idea that we can’t trust our energy because we see what we do in our downtime from work or family obligations; we sleep, watch TV, numb our feelings with food, drinking, and consuming (edible things, material goods, and entertainment). We stay up too late, operate on little sleep, scroll on our phones, etc.
During my darkest times at draining jobs, I would sleep most of Saturday because I was so depleted from using my energy incorrectly all week. I did not trust myself to control my own schedule! I assumed I would just laze around and sleep all day. In reality, I was living with untreated depression for years, made worse by constantly overworking, all the while believing that it was me who had the problem.
(Spoiler alert: five years into my deconditioning process, I do so much more each day than I used to, I sleep better, my mental health is way better, and I’m so energized by what I do each day that I can’t wait to get going as soon as I’ve had my green tea!)
To sum it up, we have been conditioned to believe we cannot trust ourselves and our responses. If we honor our Sacral (and Emotional Authority), we'll all end up destroying our families, our financial situation, and everything we've worked for, right?
This is not true! I have seen proof in my own life since I had the privilege of untethering myself from a depleting work situation two years ago, when I first wrote this post. It has now been five years! I have seen myself blossom, prosper, learn, expand, grow, heal, and connect in ways I did not think were possible.
And I've done it in a way that fully honored my husband, my stepson, my financial obligations, and the house we own. Win-win!
So...how?
Simply put - my Sacral honors my true desires. I love my family. I love my partner and want to support him and see him thrive. I love my stepson and also want to see him thrive. It's not always the easiest situation on paper - we are three people of very different ages (now age 20, 36, and 52!) who live together full-time. We all have different needs, seasons, and challenges. But I know that my Sacral, my life force, honors everything important to me, encompassing these two people and the life we have built together.
So, if you have a family and feel like it's a supportive, healthy partnership, you desire to stay in it, and you want the best for your kids, as almost all parents do, then you can trust that your Sacral is honoring the desires you have for a beautiful life with them, too!
Do responses = immediate action?
Another misconception of the Sacral response is that when we have a response, we take immediate action. That is not the case! This isn't a thing where every excitement we feel turns into a "whim" where we must drop everything immediately, especially for big life decisions.
I cover this in my the Glow-Up, but we all have different speeds and ways of moving from response to action, depending on the definition of the channels and centers in your chart.
So, something we respond to might be something we can act on that moment (like a desire to get a coffee), or it can be something we flow toward over many years.
Just because something doesn't feel possible at that moment doesn't mean you can't research it, immerse yourself in it, get excited about it, and learn about it. Allow your excitement to uplift you instead of scaring you. Allow yourself to get curious about your excitement around this thing. You never know where it may take you. The important thing is to let go of trying to control the situation and let the expansive energy connect you to yourself and your desires.
Some Real-Life Examples
I, too, have experienced a situation where I’ve had a desire that I wasn’t sure would completely work for my family. A few years ago, I wanted to live somewhere more lively, dense, and energetic. What can I say…it appeals to my Wet Kitchens Environment! My current living situation, in a comfortable house that I am very grateful for, was an ~ okay ~ match to this. Not perfect, but it's okay! I was vaguely bothered by this desire and unsure of how to reconcile it with my current life. For years, I decided to get my Wet kitchen environment needs met by walking to a busier area or visiting different neighborhoods.
I felt that I would eventually like to live somewhere else. Somehow, I knew this house was not forever! However, just “knowing” something doesn’t mean you have a Sacral response. When you have a Sacral response, there is energy behind it…you’re waiting for the steps to line up to take you to a new reality. And…I just never felt that about moving.
Even if I had a desire that didn’t fully match up with my reality, I didn’t quite feel the energy to go anywhere else.
And you know what has happened? It has been almost three years since I originally wrote this post! As the years have passed, I’ve transformed my neighborhood into more of a scene without realizing it. I joined the neighborhood gym, got a dog, began walking him all over every spec of the streets and parks, and started taking him to the neighborhood vet down the street. We started to use the dog daycare in the charming Victorian house two blocks away. A cool coffee shop opened up. We met a new friend and started frequenting the historic dive bars and pubs. I moved my office into our main bedroom and, with much trial and error, found a set-up that makes me feel creative and inspired.
A series of responses that I felt the energy for have changed how I feel about where I live! In a way, my desire to live somewhere livelier came true. Our neighborhood is growing! They’re building things! My dreams have manifested!
Looking back, I can see why this house was “yes,” and moving was always a “no,” even if I still feel like maybe I won’t be here forever. I’m so glad I trusted my energy and not a vague “knowing.” We never know where our responses will take us!
All of my Sacral responses have only brought more goodness to my family because my family is incredibly important to me.
In Conclusion…
So, I would tell this community member that her desires are valid and important, and she should look into whatever she’s responding to! Either there will be a clear path there, and she’ll see that it will benefit her family, or other responses will transform her life until she has the same outcome she originally desired.
Her family won't hold her back, and her Sacral response won't harm her child. Honoring her desires will bring them closer together if her partner is supportive and on the same page.
Of course, not everyone will understand immediately when you honor your Sacral. We all have traumas and fears. But you can get past those fears by being patient with those around you, being patient with yourself, and communicating openly.
To sum it up:
Our Sacral considers our families and tangible reality because they are part of our desires.
Our Sacral is not asking us to make decisions that feel impulsive and like "whims." Sometimes, we will move quickly from response to action, but it will feel right and easy when we do.
We can honor our responses and desires without feeling like we have to act on them. Sometimes, we need time, more information, and a series of other things to happen. We can trust our Sacral to guide us to those in the meantime.
If you’d like to learn more about the Sacral Response, I recommend my Guide to the Sacral Response for free!
Love,
Rachel
Make sure to keep in touch!
